Top ten lies we all are guilty of telling at some point within our lives when we talk about Santa Claus some are white lies, which do not really matter, but some are just plain mean or naughty to tell a child. Bring on the laughter with this article.
The tenth biggest lie, which is repeated through history by Christian people, is that Santa Claus exists and brings toys to every child in the world on one night. He cannot come and visit a few billion children on one night, it takes him several nights, and he only visits selected children.
The ninth biggest lie about Santa Claus is he eats only cookies and milk, we all know he would die is he ate only these things. Santa eats reindeer, wild rabbits, wild turkeys, witches, goblins, leprechauns, and fat little babies who have arrows poised to shoot people.
The eighth biggest lie about Santa Claus is only wear red fur lined suits, which are perfect for any climates which are frigid, but what about in warmer climates. Santa has been known to wear a red fur lined Speedo, and let me tell you that must be a jolly site to behold!
The seventh biggest lie about Santa Claus is a jolly old soul, he is not a soul nor is he old he is ancient. He is the most ancient man in the world and is thousands of years old, yet he looks younger, then some of the people in nursing homes today. He truly is older then dirt, at least some dirt yet remains the most popular man in the world.
The sixth biggest lie about Santa Claus is the myth that he knows special Christmas magic that allows him to suddenly get skinny and slide down chimneys and enter houses. In reality, he has a super lubricant, which is like the most powerful love lotion, and he squeezes this down the chimney and then he inserts himself in the hole.
The fifth biggest lie about Santa Claus is a loving kind person, while he really employs slave labor and engages in the exploitation of the little people named the elves. He does not offer benefits, so the elves give each other medical care. If you have ever watched Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, then you see Hermie getting his education on how to be a dentist.
The fourth biggest lie about Santa Claus is that the elves enjoy their work. If you look at the North Pole, which is barren, then you begin to see the real idea of what is going on up there. Santa hires these elves from tropical places and takes them up there and tell them work for me or walk home.
The third biggest lie about Santa Claus is his wife is always baking cookies and is happy as a clam. She smiles a lot and pretends to be happy so that she is not replaced the naughty girls. She in essence is a kept woman, Santa provides her a place to stay, a kitchen to cook in, and she knows if she wants to return home, it is a long walk in the bitter cold.
The second biggest lie about Santa Claus is that he is jolly because of seasonal cheer. The truth is he is so jolly because he keeps the naughty list of girls for his own pleasures; he gives those naughty girls the fun toys that bring about the real spirit of the season.
The first biggest lie about Santa Claus is his red nose. If you have ever known an alcoholic, their noses are usually red and bulbous just like Santa’s nose. I am betting Santa guzzles so whiskey to keep himself warm as he delivers his load on Christmas night and this in turn keep him jolly.