Who wants to be the wealthiest human on the planet? In addition, you’d be gifting the world with the greatest health boon since penicillin. The requirements for this assignment are few: you need a superior intellect, with a particular aptitude for Chemistry and Anatomy, a clean work area, and a colleague to do odd jobs. It will also help if you are a good cook, past middle age and obese.
Everyone knows the dangers of being overweight: heart disease: diabetes, and some types of cancer. Just reading the list is frightening. And, the problem of obesity tends to worsen during middle age and beyond. But you, oh happy soul, are about to solve the problem, not only for yourself, but for millions of apple-shaped individuals around the globe.
First of all, you must think of a substance that is cheap, plentiful, and not absorbable by the human digestive tract. Desert sand springs to mind, but I’m not sure it would be suitable. You may have to try several options. Whatever you choose, it must be ground to a very fine powder, the consistency of talc. Then, measure out an amount you judge to be equivalent to a day’s worth of food.
To the pulverized sand, or whatever, add protein powder, the amount required for a day’s nourishment, and mix well. Then, add to this mixture every vitamin and mineral a human needs every day. Again, mix well.
What have I forgotten? Oh yes: fibre. Our superfood must pass expeditiously through the alimentary canal. Wheat husks might be effective, if they are calorie-free. You’ll have to experiment to find the correct amount, one which results in neither constipation nor diarrhoea. Your colleague might help you with this research, freeing you to continue your magnum opus..
Now you have the basic recipe: a day’s worth of optimum nutrition, with only a few negligible calories: an obese person’s dream. All that is left to do is to make it palatable. For this you’ll need an exceptional collection of seasonings, spices, and flavorings.
Divide the mixture into five generous servings: three meals and two snacks. Then, put on your chef’s hat and concoct some mouth-watering recipes. Here are some suggestions:
Soup: add lots of water, vegetable soup powder, pepper and garlic .
Bread: add a little water, yeast, cinnamon, and shape to resemble a loaf. This may be consumed with diet gelatin made with half the water.
Cookies: add a little water, sweetener, food colouring, coconut flavoring and bake.
Are you getting the idea? Simply refine recipes like these and the world will beat a path to your door. Although you personally won’t be needing cash, you might advise family and friends to purchase as many acres of sandy desert as they can afford, plus shares in companies which produce spices, seasonings, sweeteners and vitamins. They’ll be forever grateful to you, but not as grateful as apple-shaped people around the world, whose health you have vastly improved.