From my experience, yes you can.
Hi my name is Katy and I am here to tell you about my experience. I am here to tell you that you can kill a relationship by loving someone to death. The death of a relationship. You can never make someone love you. You must be able to back down and back away. It goes for both men and women.
I have been separated for a year now. Although he stayed here until last May, it was last February where my heart decided that it was enough. I felt bad because that is how I have always been. I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing.
After years of loving someone who wouldn’t accept it, you kind of feel like a loser in the end. That is a lot of energy poured out into someone. A lot of heartache and and wasted time into something that never was. I am here to talk about why it is important to not love too much. Not to gain sympathy or to come across as someone needy, just to be the honest person that I am in hopes to helping others.
The relationship was good at first. I was young, he was a man. He was security as long as I fulfilled his needs and I did. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. In fact I went above and beyond. I loved ridiculously. We lived in his parents home with his brother, sister and their kids. It was a houseful of ten people. I did the cleaning and just tried to do my part. I was there for him always. Being what he wanted me to be. When I wanted to be that wife, he wouldn’t let me. I wanted him to adore me. I wanted him to allow me to serve him. I wanted that understanding and compassion from him. I wanted more then what he offered me in the bed or materially.
Because of that I worked hard. Too hard. He wouldn’t allow me to cater to him. Now that it is said and done I feel the reason being is because he didn’t want to open up. He didn’t want to be vulnerable to where he had to be compassionate. So for eleven years I loved and gave all I had to a man that would never let me into his heart. After all the love I showed, I was never allowed that from him. So I walked around carrying my heart and handing it to him whenever I felt that I needed something. I don’t even remember any time where he asked me what was wrong and comfort me. He never did that. Through the tears I would stare at a back turned on me, all the while begging him to talk to me. I loved him too much and it probably made him sick.
I have learned that you cannot make someone love you no matter how much you love them. I have learned that you need to love yourself first so that you can allow yourself to be receptive of love. You cannot be loved if you don’t love yourself first. You must forgive yourself and others. If you find yourself unable to receive love, you have some deep pain from another relationship and you need to forgive the person that hurt you or you will never be healed.
I knew that it was over because I watched him cry all the while telling him that I do forgive him and that I am sorry. That is when I knew it was over when I told him that although I forgive him, it is still over. That is when he realized how much I had loved him, when it was too late. Eleven years too late.
Moral of the story: Yes when you feel that you have given all you can and they seem to not see just how much you love them, that is when you back away to see if they are going to be vulnerable enough to let you in. If they love you yet don’t let you in then it is trust that is the issue. If they love you and won’t let you in then you love them too much. It is time for them to see just how much you love them by backing away. You can love someone too much because you can’t make them love you. There is nothing that you can do to change that, except leave.