Note: This is Political Satire. The following is not a report of an actual news story. The intent is a look at life from a not so serious perspective. No intent to defame anyone was intended. Individuals are quite capable of defaming themselves.
Senator Hillary Clinton today chose to address questions to silence rumors of recent fund raising difficulty and the erosion of voter support among women. Quoting from a statement previously prepared by Senator Clinton, her campaign manager read the following statement.
“Recent polls have shown that my opponent has not only been more successful in raising campaign funds but in attracting voters from some of my previously strongest areas of support. One area in particular that has caused my campaign some concern is the loss of support from the women in this country. I wanted to address our newest initiative to stop the erosion of support in that demographic.
It was during a recent strategy session that my husband walked through the room, and in his humble way he asked, “Honey, do you think there is anything I might be able to do?” I asked him to sit down for a few minutes and analyze the situation and almost instantly an idea came to him. “Well honey, I don’t know that this would work, but you know how candidates have $500 a plate meals to raise funds? What if we tried that same idea in a more personal way?” “What do you mean?” I asked.
Bill continued, “What if you announced “Meet and greet” sessions with me for women only? But make them more exclusive than the mass meals that everyone else does. Since $2,300 is the legal limit for individual contributions, allow women to schedule private “meet and greet” sessions with me, just to talk of course, for $2,300 a session. The women would be guaranteed they wouldn’t be overlooked as they can be at those mass fund raisers and you wouldn’t need to be tied down in order for me to raise money.”
“As I listened to my husband it was very clear to me why he was so successful as President. He has such a quick and logical mind.” He continued, “Honey, I think if we scheduled these as 20 minute sessions, in a low cost yet elegant setting like the Executive Suite of a local Hilton Hotel, over time this could help not only in raising funds but in regaining the female voters of this nation.” Clearly Bill is serious about my campaign and willing to do whatever it takes for me to win. But realistically I was concerned that ultimately we would still be talking about only a few voters and, in the big scheme of things, very little money. So I asked him, “Bill, you know you must not allow yourself to risk your health. Realistically, how many hours a day could you devote to this fund raising effort? How much good will this really do?” But then I saw again the man I fell in love with the first time I met him.
Now I realize that my Democratic opponent or the Republican nominee may not believe it is proper to make use of a former President in this manner. I would remind each of my opponents that the use of former political figures in political campaigns has been a common practice by all candidates especially when those individuals have proven successful in reaching demographics that may not be hearing the voice of the candidate for whom they campaign. In this case, I believe the former President will be able to bridge the current gap between my message and the masses I am dedicated to help.
But I do know this, that my husband and I have dedicated our all to the service of this country, and I suppose in truth that I could not articulate this dedication to you in words any clearer than those he used to describe his dedication to this country to me when he said;
“Hillary, you know that all of my life I have been devoted to this country and wanted only what was best for this country. You are the best qualified candidate in this race. I can maintain this fundraising effort for 20 hours a day, 7 days a week. This campaign will be over by November. And the truth is, if I die in the service of my country, I will have died in giving myself to the service of this great nation.”
No questions were taken from reporters following the release of the statement.