America’s Founding Documents for Dummies:just in time for Independence Day, easy to understand versions of some of this nation’s founding documents, free of the archaic lingo that heretofore kept you from having a clue what they were all about.
The Pledge of Allegiance
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation, under God, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all
I won’t go badmouthing the United States or sell the land out from under it
Since we elect Congress to do that for us
We’re in this place together, by God, whether we like it or not
(We can’t seem to get rid of each other in fact)
You do your thing and I’ll do mine
We both gotta chill
Cuz no one’s got the upper hand here
The Star Spangled Banner
Oh say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hail’d at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro’ the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watch’d, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro’ the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Yo, it’s morning, your eyes open yet?
Remember what we were carrying on about last night?
Even with all the ruckus going on, we climbed up that there wall and stared at the flagpole, watching those colors waving in the wind
Somebody was having a nasty gunfight
Dang, it was noisy with all those explosives going off
But at least they gave off enough light so we could see no one stole our flag
Hey man, is it still there?
Preamble to the United States Constitution
We the People of the United States,
in Order to form a more perfect Union,
establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility,
provide for the common defense,
promote the general Welfare,
and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity,
do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
Those of us living in America that ain’t illegal aliens
Got together to see what we could do
to decide who’s on first, keep the big oafs out in the street from getting out of control,
build enough bombs to drop on anybody that might be thinking of giving us trouble,
put a McDonald’s on every corner, a t.v. in every room, and a designer shoe on every foot,
and make sure nobody is going to stop us, our kids, or even our grandkids from doing what we want to do,
So we wrote up a rule book for America.